@theyearofelan If you want me to care about something, put a perfectly poached egg on top of it
Retweet Favorite Mar 25 2017
@GaryJanetti I will always hate the restaurant somebody else picked.
Retweet Favorite Mar 25 2017
@AddledPixie Imagine my embarrassment at getting caught in the rain without a piƱa colada.
Retweet Favorite Mar 22 2017
@gnarmarbro I'm a millennial who can't spell "millennial" without spell check.
Retweet Favorite Mar 22 2017
@fart today is the 8th anniversary of steve jobs waterslide accident where he torpedoed at high speed into a snack bar and died. time goes so fast
Retweet Favorite Mar 22 2017
@owillis i'll never forgive trump for making me take back saying george w bush is the dumbest president ever
Retweet Favorite Mar 21 2017
@Eden_Eats My boyfriend called me gross for eating in bed but I was like: "I'm not gross and you're just a pic of Ryan Gosling taped to a broom!".
Retweet Favorite Mar 21 2017
@KarenKilgariff I mean there's just no way the magnum ice cream people didn't know how gross they were being when they named their filthy product
Retweet Favorite Mar 21 2017
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