@UhThePointIs Sorry that I got so mad and said all those things that I really meant.
Retweet Favorite Feb 27 2017
@postcrunk damn undocumented immigrants taking jobs that we're incapable of & unwilling to but are absolutely essential to functionality of our economy
Retweet Favorite Feb 27 2017
@matt___nelson *rubbing my face against a puppy* nobody talk to me for a bit
Retweet Favorite Feb 27 2017
@Hormonella What moron called them Marriage Vows and not Terms of Service?
Retweet Favorite Feb 26 2017
@davidkenny100 It's impossible to be a parent and stay on twitter so I'm afraid it's time to say goodbye. So this is your uncle, you live with him now.
Retweet Favorite Feb 26 2017
@1followernodad i'd like to hire an intern. your only jobs are to go buy me a diet coke & to delete photos off my phone i don't need anymore. $50 for today
Retweet Favorite Feb 24 2017
@bridger_w I used to really enjoy staying at hotels. Of course, that was before I learned I could fill a bucket with ice at home
Retweet Favorite Feb 21 2017
@OhNoSheTwitnt [Trump addressing the runaway cow] We must ban these MOOslims from entering the country until we can be sure what they're planning.
Retweet Favorite Feb 21 2017
more funny tweets »