@beefman138 I liked Neil Diamond a lot more around ten thousand years ago when he was Neil Carbon.
Retweet Favorite Dec 13 2017
@Ra_Bies I may seem like a blunt, unforgiving & unkind person but I must tell you from deep inside, I'm very cruel too
Retweet Favorite Dec 13 2017
@KevinFarzad Still dont understand how some of you do enough things to post on Instagram every day. Are you all lying?
Retweet Favorite Dec 13 2017
@NotKennyRogers Forget about a photo ID...I don't think anyone should be allowed to vote in this country unless they can quote at least three lines from "Christmas Vacation."
Retweet Favorite Dec 13 2017
@fart 2018 is the year i will become a hot instagram model who posts cryptic teen shit like "i never look back" and gets 85k rts
Retweet Favorite Dec 9 2017
@JohnFugelsang And on his death bed, he realized his 1 great regret in life was not spending hundreds more hours playing Candy Crush Saga.
Retweet Favorite Dec 9 2017
@kumailn PSA: You don’t have to count “1 2 3” when you take pictures now. Just take a million in like 2 seconds & keep it moving.
Retweet Favorite Dec 9 2017
@Staggfilms Black licorice is just string cheese from the Upside Down.
Retweet Favorite Dec 7 2017
more funny tweets »