@LucyXIV being single in apartments is the best cos you can listen to couples fight all the time. so comforting. like being inside during a storm
Retweet Favorite Sep 27 2016
@Ristolable When I like a girl, I play it cool. I wait. I text once, wait 60 years, and then I die.
Retweet Favorite Sep 27 2016
@AmnesiaRose According to WebMD, this hairy thing on my chest is a cat
Retweet Favorite Sep 27 2016
@Fat_Jalbert [interrogation] Bad Cop: *face way too close to Shakira's waistline* tell me what I want to know
Retweet Favorite Sep 23 2016
@BRANDONWARDELL i absolutely cannot cook for shit but i was watching a child prodigy chef n was casually like "ugh, i don't kno about that sauce"
Retweet Favorite Sep 23 2016
@BuffyMaddingly Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you're looking for a business manager.
Retweet Favorite Sep 22 2016
@LoveNLunchmeat Some days I think my mental health is coming along nicely, other days I'm vaguely jealous of turtles.
Retweet Favorite Sep 22 2016
@SkinnerSteven Shout out to my self-aware friends, you know who you are
Retweet Favorite Sep 22 2016
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