@actuallymathias Whoever thought of appetizers was literally like "we should pregame this food w more food" and I think that's really beautiful
Retweet Favorite Dec 7 2016
@calluptome The next time there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
Retweet Favorite Dec 7 2016
@underchilde A recent study of blue-collar workers showed that what they love best about their jobs is their days off.
Retweet Favorite Dec 7 2016
@gf3 if i was a klingon the first thing i would do is grow out my bangs
Retweet Favorite Dec 7 2016
@TheReal_AndyMac Men treat women like objects. Weird men treat objects like women.
Retweet Favorite Dec 7 2016
@FrankConniff Watching WWII documentaries, it's always so heart wrenching when Poland is invaded and London is bombed by the Alt-Right.
Retweet Favorite Dec 6 2016
@mattytalks Meatballs have bread crumbs inside them. Meat plus bread means that a meatball is actually a sandwich.
Retweet Favorite Dec 4 2016
@behindyourback In 2017, every TV show's marketing plan will be to add a Trump parody character so he's compelled to watch & cry on twitter about it.
Retweet Favorite Dec 4 2016
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