Viewing tweets by @KevinFarzad that have been added to Fun Tweets.
@KevinFarzad canceling plans is ok. staying home to cook is ok. disappearing for a bit to get your life together is ok. resurfacing in a foreign country with a new name 10 years later is ok. it's called self care
RetweetFavoriteAug 21 2018
@KevinFarzad It's important to remember that the holidays are all about being home with family, going on their computers, and unliking conservative facebook pages
RetweetFavoriteDec 20 2017
@KevinFarzad If you ever travel to Italy, you have to try their famous food called "Pasta," which I believe is Italian for "Pizza."
RetweetFavoriteDec 29 2016
@KevinFarzad GOd damn millennials with all their browser tabs. The only "tab" we used to "open" was at the bar, every day, because we had "alcoholism"
RetweetFavoriteMay 11 2016
@KevinFarzad I think it's sweet that teens text "U up?" really late at night to check that their friends are getting to bed at a reasonable hour
RetweetFavoriteJan 22 2016
@KevinFarzad Shout out to people who rate & review things cuz I don't like to rate or review things but I like to know how things are rated & reviewed
RetweetFavoriteDec 4 2015
@KevinFarzad When I see someone laughing to themselves in public, I love to imagine what they're thinking about, even though deep down I know: it's memes
RetweetFavoriteJul 16 2015
@KevinFarzad Before we talk about this very complicated topic, you should know that I read several sentences about it in an article once.
RetweetFavoriteMay 11 2015
@KevinFarzad If you wanna make hundreds of friends, you gotta wear a t-shirt with a joke on it. People will not stop laughing. "This guy," they'll say.
RetweetFavoriteMar 12 2015
@KevinFarzad sure I could capitalize letters or add a period at the end of this sentence but honestly who has the time or energy
RetweetFavoriteFeb 16 2015
@KevinFarzad you think YOU'RE tired. I'm even MORE tired for the reasons I'm about to list. This is a competition for some reason.
RetweetFavoriteFeb 1 2015
@KevinFarzad A potato don't look like much but w/ the proper preparation, it can be great in so many ways. Now go out there and be your best potato
RetweetFavoriteJan 16 2015
@KevinFarzad *sees couple making out* Come on, get a room. Get a house with a bunch of rooms. Start a family, I think you'd have beautiful children.
RetweetFavoriteDec 21 2014
@KevinFarzad Don't forget to make the strands of dead cells growing from ur skull look cute so u can attract a potential mate.
RetweetFavoriteDec 6 2014
@KevinFarzad It's called "courting" a girl because you're supposed to take them to a basketball court and dunk on them repeatedly I hope
RetweetFavoriteSep 5 2014
@KevinFarzad We should all be as confident as those tiny, always-shaking dogs that aren't afraid to bark at things 50 times their size.
RetweetFavoriteMay 6 2014
@KevinFarzad Popcorn is great but why did we stop there? This is America & I intend to find out what other foods would be delicious if we exploded them.
RetweetFavoriteMar 31 2014
@KevinFarzad College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
RetweetFavoriteMar 30 2014
@KevinFarzad I don't understand. I've stared at you from a distance multiple times throughout the year. How'd you not know I was in love with you?
RetweetFavoriteMar 25 2014
@KevinFarzad Just tried to read an article that wasn't a list. Bunch of words, no GIFs, and it required me to think?? 0/10 would not recommend.
RetweetFavoriteMar 10 2014
@KevinFarzad If you have a crush on someone, walk right up to them, then a little past them and avoid them altogether it's probably not worth it.
RetweetFavoriteFeb 20 2014
@KevinFarzad Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.
RetweetFavoriteFeb 20 2014
@KevinFarzad A waiter took my plate before I was done and I watched him carry it away like it was my sibling who was just chosen for the hunger games
RetweetFavoriteFeb 9 2014
@KevinFarzad Text Flirting Tip: Don't reply immediately. Play it cool, wait for a minute, then eventually forget to reply and ruin everything.
RetweetFavoriteFeb 4 2014
@KevinFarzad A great way to relieve stress from work & family is to go for a run. Don't stop running til ur in a new town w/ a new life. You're free now.
RetweetFavoriteFeb 3 2014
@KevinFarzad *walks up to attractive person* I noticed u were eating. U wont believe this but I ALSO enjoy eating. We should get food or married sometime
RetweetFavoriteJan 25 2014
@KevinFarzad Don't grocery shop hungry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't promise when ur happy. Don't do anything. Just kinda sit there til u die.
RetweetFavoriteJan 15 2014
@KevinFarzad Harry POTter? Hermione GANJer?HufflePUFF?? More like the sorcerer's STONED. Wake up, America, JK Rowling has a hidden agenda.
RetweetFavoriteDec 30 2013
@KevinFarzad Friendship Application, Question One: If you see that my selfie has 0 likes, will you like it faster than humanly possible?
RetweetFavoriteDec 28 2013
@KevinFarzad Sorry I tweeted before texting you back. Sorry I opened your Snapchat but didn't respond. Sorry these are things we actually worry about now
RetweetFavoriteDec 22 2013
@KevinFarzad Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
RetweetFavoriteDec 1 2013
@KevinFarzad Pretty rude of you to have a crush on someone else when I've done absolutely nothing to show I'm attracted to you.
RetweetFavoriteNov 23 2013
@KevinFarzad "Hey I like you" "I like you too" "Let's lick the inside of each other's mouths to express our love" "Yeah that's not weird. Let's do that"
RetweetFavoriteOct 26 2013
@KevinFarzad Grand Theft Auto reminds me of Florida. Except one lets you shoot people without consequence and the other is a video game.
RetweetFavoriteSep 23 2013
@KevinFarzad If you've met someone a few times but still can't remember their name, one trick is to avoid them for the rest of your life.
RetweetFavoriteSep 19 2013
@KevinFarzad If you're stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.
RetweetFavoriteSep 14 2013
@KevinFarzad "I have $50, less than an hour, and a ton of cocaine. Let's make a commercial!" - every furniture store owner
RetweetFavoriteJun 5 2013
@KevinFarzad Sometimes I take out my headphones, walk to class, graduate college, get married, file for divorce, and then finish untangling my headphones
RetweetFavoriteMar 1 2013
@KevinFarzad If you're an astronaut and you don't end every relationship by saying "look, I just need space" then you're wasting everyone's time.
RetweetFavoriteDec 12
@KevinFarzad Remember when we spent an entire year learning cursive? That's why the other countries are winning.
RetweetFavoriteNov 29