Viewing tweets by @KevinFarzad that have been added to Fun Tweets.
@KevinFarzad canceling plans is ok. staying home to cook is ok. disappearing for a bit to get your life together is ok. resurfacing in a foreign country with a new name 10 years later is ok. it's called self care
Retweet Favorite Aug 21 2018
@KevinFarzad It's important to remember that the holidays are all about being home with family, going on their computers, and unliking conservative facebook pages
Retweet Favorite Dec 20 2017
@KevinFarzad Still dont understand how some of you do enough things to post on Instagram every day. Are you all lying?
Retweet Favorite Dec 13 2017
@KevinFarzad If you ever travel to Italy, you have to try their famous food called "Pasta," which I believe is Italian for "Pizza."
Retweet Favorite Dec 29 2016
@KevinFarzad GOd damn millennials with all their browser tabs. The only "tab" we used to "open" was at the bar, every day, because we had "alcoholism"
Retweet Favorite May 11 2016
@KevinFarzad I think it's sweet that teens text "U up?" really late at night to check that their friends are getting to bed at a reasonable hour
Retweet Favorite Jan 22 2016
@KevinFarzad Shout out to people who rate & review things cuz I don't like to rate or review things but I like to know how things are rated & reviewed
Retweet Favorite Dec 4 2015
@KevinFarzad When I see someone laughing to themselves in public, I love to imagine what they're thinking about, even though deep down I know: it's memes
Retweet Favorite Jul 16 2015
@KevinFarzad I feel like it's my civic duty to not let luxury cars merge in front of me.
Retweet Favorite Jun 6 2015
@KevinFarzad Before we talk about this very complicated topic, you should know that I read several sentences about it in an article once.
Retweet Favorite May 11 2015
@KevinFarzad WHERE MY INTROVERTS AT? [a few people shuffle their feet & pretend to check their phones]
Retweet Favorite May 8 2015
@KevinFarzad If you wanna make hundreds of friends, you gotta wear a t-shirt with a joke on it. People will not stop laughing. "This guy," they'll say.
Retweet Favorite Mar 12 2015
@KevinFarzad sure I could capitalize letters or add a period at the end of this sentence but honestly who has the time or energy
Retweet Favorite Feb 16 2015
@KevinFarzad you think YOU'RE tired. I'm even MORE tired for the reasons I'm about to list. This is a competition for some reason.
Retweet Favorite Feb 1 2015
@KevinFarzad A potato don't look like much but w/ the proper preparation, it can be great in so many ways. Now go out there and be your best potato
Retweet Favorite Jan 16 2015
@KevinFarzad *sees couple making out* Come on, get a room. Get a house with a bunch of rooms. Start a family, I think you'd have beautiful children.
Retweet Favorite Dec 21 2014
@KevinFarzad Don't forget to make the strands of dead cells growing from ur skull look cute so u can attract a potential mate.
Retweet Favorite Dec 6 2014
@KevinFarzad Stay in shape this Thanksgiving by running away every time you see someone you went to high school with.
Retweet Favorite Nov 26 2014
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@KevinFarzad A lot of people think your quarter life crisis starts at 25 but actually your whole life can be a crisis.
Retweet Favorite Oct 1 2014
@KevinFarzad It's called "courting" a girl because you're supposed to take them to a basketball court and dunk on them repeatedly I hope
Retweet Favorite Sep 5 2014
@KevinFarzad Haven't been able to tweet much recently. Need to cut back on real life.
Retweet Favorite May 23 2014
@KevinFarzad We should all be as confident as those tiny, always-shaking dogs that aren't afraid to bark at things 50 times their size.
Retweet Favorite May 6 2014
@KevinFarzad Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
Retweet Favorite Apr 27 2014
@KevinFarzad Popcorn is great but why did we stop there? This is America & I intend to find out what other foods would be delicious if we exploded them.
Retweet Favorite Mar 31 2014
@KevinFarzad College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
Retweet Favorite Mar 30 2014
@KevinFarzad I don't understand. I've stared at you from a distance multiple times throughout the year. How'd you not know I was in love with you?
Retweet Favorite Mar 25 2014
@KevinFarzad Just tried to read an article that wasn't a list. Bunch of words, no GIFs, and it required me to think?? 0/10 would not recommend.
Retweet Favorite Mar 10 2014
@KevinFarzad If you have a crush on someone, walk right up to them, then a little past them and avoid them altogether it's probably not worth it.
Retweet Favorite Feb 20 2014
@KevinFarzad Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.
Retweet Favorite Feb 20 2014
@KevinFarzad Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying "the economy" a lot.
Retweet Favorite Feb 13 2014
@KevinFarzad A waiter took my plate before I was done and I watched him carry it away like it was my sibling who was just chosen for the hunger games
Retweet Favorite Feb 9 2014
@KevinFarzad Text Flirting Tip: Don't reply immediately. Play it cool, wait for a minute, then eventually forget to reply and ruin everything.
Retweet Favorite Feb 4 2014
@KevinFarzad A great way to relieve stress from work & family is to go for a run. Don't stop running til ur in a new town w/ a new life. You're free now.
Retweet Favorite Feb 3 2014
@KevinFarzad *tries to quietly eat carrot sticks during your funeral*
Retweet Favorite Jan 31 2014
@KevinFarzad Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
Retweet Favorite Jan 28 2014
@KevinFarzad *walks up to attractive person* I noticed u were eating. U wont believe this but I ALSO enjoy eating. We should get food or married sometime
Retweet Favorite Jan 25 2014
@KevinFarzad Don't grocery shop hungry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't promise when ur happy. Don't do anything. Just kinda sit there til u die.
Retweet Favorite Jan 15 2014
@KevinFarzad Harry POTter? Hermione GANJer?HufflePUFF?? More like the sorcerer's STONED. Wake up, America, JK Rowling has a hidden agenda.
Retweet Favorite Dec 30 2013
@KevinFarzad Damn girl you must be the American spelling of 'favourite' because I don't need u
Retweet Favorite Dec 28 2013
@KevinFarzad Friendship Application, Question One: If you see that my selfie has 0 likes, will you like it faster than humanly possible?
Retweet Favorite Dec 28 2013
@KevinFarzad If someone says "see you next year!" in an attempt to be clever, a good response is to avoid them for all of 2014.
Retweet Favorite Dec 27 2013
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@KevinFarzad Please take selfies. There are enough pictures of sunsets and airplane wings. Your face is more interesting.
Retweet Favorite Dec 26 2013
@KevinFarzad Sorry I tweeted before texting you back. Sorry I opened your Snapchat but didn't respond. Sorry these are things we actually worry about now
Retweet Favorite Dec 22 2013
@KevinFarzad Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
Retweet Favorite Dec 1 2013
@KevinFarzad Stay in shape this Thanksgiving by running away every time you see someone you went to high school with.
Retweet Favorite Nov 27 2013
Part of a collection
@KevinFarzad Pretty rude of you to have a crush on someone else when I've done absolutely nothing to show I'm attracted to you.
Retweet Favorite Nov 23 2013
@KevinFarzad The worst part about looking for a job is if you're successful, you end up with a job.
Retweet Favorite Nov 19 2013
@KevinFarzad "I do." "Same." - wedding vows in 2030
Retweet Favorite Nov 16 2013
@KevinFarzad Happy 1 month anniversary to the 37 browser tabs I have open.
Retweet Favorite Nov 11 2013
@KevinFarzad There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we've had.
Retweet Favorite Oct 27 2013
@KevinFarzad "Hey I like you" "I like you too" "Let's lick the inside of each other's mouths to express our love" "Yeah that's not weird. Let's do that"
Retweet Favorite Oct 26 2013
@KevinFarzad Thank god I have the newest, fastest iPhone so I can mindlessly check the same three apps 500 times a day.
Retweet Favorite Oct 14 2013
@KevinFarzad Every political Facebook status should start with, "First of all, I have no idea what I'm talking about."
Retweet Favorite Oct 3 2013
@KevinFarzad Grand Theft Auto reminds me of Florida. Except one lets you shoot people without consequence and the other is a video game.
Retweet Favorite Sep 23 2013
@KevinFarzad If you've met someone a few times but still can't remember their name, one trick is to avoid them for the rest of your life.
Retweet Favorite Sep 19 2013
@KevinFarzad Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
Retweet Favorite Sep 17 2013
@KevinFarzad If you're stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.
Retweet Favorite Sep 14 2013
@KevinFarzad JOB OPENING: Entry-level for recent college grads. Minimum 87 years of experience required.
Retweet Favorite Aug 15 2013
@KevinFarzad Pretty unfair that sharks get a whole week and vampires only get a weekend.
Retweet Favorite Aug 5 2013
@KevinFarzad "I have $50, less than an hour, and a ton of cocaine. Let's make a commercial!" - every furniture store owner
Retweet Favorite Jun 5 2013
@KevinFarzad Sometimes I take out my headphones, walk to class, graduate college, get married, file for divorce, and then finish untangling my headphones
Retweet Favorite Mar 1 2013
@KevinFarzad Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before social interactions, very helpful.
Retweet Favorite Feb 4 2013
@KevinFarzad If you're an astronaut and you don't end every relationship by saying "look, I just need space" then you're wasting everyone's time.
Retweet Favorite Dec 12
@KevinFarzad Remember when we spent an entire year learning cursive? That's why the other countries are winning.
Retweet Favorite Nov 29
@KevinFarzad Can't wait to walk down the aisle. The frozen food aisle. Marry me, ice cream.
Retweet Favorite Aug 9